Today I feel alone in my recovery. My husband seems to be growing spiritually. He's around all the friends at my old church while I'm in a new environment out of my comfort zone. I left my church because God told me to. The environment was not healthy and I need a healthy church. Despite trusting God that he has his best for me, I feel like I'm not connecting at the new church. The worship music is not my style, the people are very nonchalant about worship and there are no true minority cultures represented.
I'm sad I had to leave. I love a lot of people there. I fit in there, but my spiritual journey was suffering there. My dad is the pastor and he is the one who molested me as a child. He has admited to some of it, but there is still a lot of denial there. How can a possibly stay under that leadership?
For the first time, I'm beginning to process my pain. Every healthy person viewing the situation has told me it's been a healthy change, but I can't see it right now. I'm solely relying on God's promise to take care of me in this time of doubt. I have to look at this decision as God lead regardless of my circumstances. Because of familiarity, I want to run back there despite it being unhealthy. I must continue to remember that God will not forsake me, and I need God's healing in a safe and loving environment. I just don't know that the church I'm visiting now is really the place to get well.
