The Lie

For years I believed it. I thought true love was suppose to be a never ending Utopian experience. Marriage for me has proven otherwise and after 15 years, I'm finally getting a glimpse of reality. All of my adult life, I have lived in denial. My eyes were blind to the fact that I had a problem. I thought everyone around me needed help, not me. I was the victim. I was the one that was molested. I was the one who was trying to make my marriage more interesting. I was the one...

Yes, I do have serious emotional needs that have never been met and for the first time, I'm learning that God is the only one that can rejuvenate my broken spirit.I am also learning that I'm worth fighting for. Many of my childhood wounds are still in need of cleansing, but as God sees fit, I'm working on them. I realize that healing is a process, and I don't have to be perfect as I stumble along this crazy, unpredictable path towards inner peace. God's grace is enough even when I'm tempted to drift off into my fantasy land. A place where my husband is perfect in every way and knows exactly what I need. A place filled with no bill payments, job responsibilities, or crying children. A place where love is made on the white sands of the Bahamas.

I know all of those things sound good, but I live in a fallen world. Nothing is going to be perfect until all Christians have been made new along with the new Heaven and the new Earth (which I very much look forward to). However, the lie of having perfection on this Earth has been fed to us daily by movies, magazines, television and commercials. My marriage is going to have bumps and bruises. Unfortunately because of my sexual addiction, I have caused a lot of pain, but that doesn't mean I have to stay down. Because of God's unshaming grace, I can face my faults.