Spiritual Connection

Since I'm not acting out, I don't have this glaring sin that's blocking my communication with Jesus. At this stage in my recovery, the hardships of reality have me constantly running to Him for some type of comfort. And in my running, I am finding that He has been there all along waiting lovingly to receive me with open arms. It's funny because I never thought of God patiently waiting on me to love Him back. I always thought of Him upset and unwilling to spend time with me because of my sins. I now believe he grieved my behavior, not just because it would send my life into a downward spiral, but because it limited our communication. The only things He was able to bring to my attention was the sorrow of my sin and how much I needed to confess them and repent. I'm learning now he wants to spend time revealing more and more of Himself to me, not reminding me over and over of the sins I must confess.

I'm learning from my counselor about God's grace. To be honest, I have been in church all my life, but the proper concept of grace was never taught. It was always accompanied by works. This is why I never saw myself as good enough to be loved by God. God's grace has nothing to do with anything I have done, am going to do, or will do. It simply exist for me. Wow!! It's hard for a person like me to wrap my mind around that. I'm a doer. Give me the check off list and will feel satisfied once I've accomplished everything on it. But God, in His infinite wisdom, doesn't base his love on works. There is absolutely nothing that I can say or do to make Him love me more than he already does.

As a recovery sex addict, I've had a hard time accepting His Grace. Yes, I've repented and have walked away from the lifestyle, but the memorize of my past has shame living in the depths of my soul. Despite my shame, God still shows up so lovingly in my times of calling out to Him. He reminds me that the love He has for me is not based on how I feel. His love is patient, kind, and permanent. With each reminder, I'm learning to trust the truths He has revealed to me in his Word. I'm learning that He really does love me unconditionally and that our spiritual connection will never be broken. What a relief!!